The Sleeping Chronicles

Our Muffin has had a complicated relationship with sleep. As a newborn she had day-night confusion, sleeping all day and partying like a rock star all night long. She wasn't colicky, she just didn't want to sleep at night. Then, the more she ate, the more she spit up, especially when she was laying down, so we got in the habit of holding her upright for about thirty minutes after she ate to reduce the spitting up. She still yorped all over everything, especially my side of the bed, but she oh-so-angelically slept on my shoulder, allowing me to sleep for short periods of time as well. We had to keep her upright though. Every time we laid her down, whether in her crib or in the bed next to us, she'd wake up. We were dreading years and years of her sleeping on top of us, but we were too tired to argue with the fact that all three of us were sleeping better for the time being.

We read books. We talked to other parents. We were waiting for her to be six weeks old, then three months old, then four months old, waiting for some sort of pattern to establish itself. Then we moved to India, living in hotels for a week along the way. Before the move we'd decided that we wouldn't give any kind of sleep training a try until we were settled in our new home. Too many new environmental factors to deal with, including thirty hours of travel.

Then jet lag happened. I really think this is what set up Muffin to be a sleeper. She was still sleeping on top of me in bed, but she was sleeping for five or six hours straight. Her crib arrived a few days after we did and she seemed too tired to care that she was sleeping in it instead of on top of me, at least during the night. Most nights she was going solid from about eleven until nearly seven the next morning. We still had to feed and cuddle her to sleep. She still wanted no part of crib napping during the day. But those hours at night gave us hope.

By the time Muffin was five months old, we had settled into our permanent house. She had her own room and she was actually sleeping in it at night. She hated napping during the day but I could usually coax her into a snooze if I let her sleep on top of me. Every day was the same pattern though: She'd feed for a bit, doze off, I'd burp her, put her in the crib, and she'd wake up screaming within minutes. We would do this over and over again until we were both exhausted and fell asleep together on the couch, around about the time Frasier reruns would come on and I couldn't risk reaching for the remote to change the channel without waking her. She seemed to prefer being on her stomach and being extremely warm, which all the baby books cautioned against... but it was hard to put her on her back in a cold room knowing she'd wake up in a few minutes. At least when she was on top of me I could see that she was sleeping fine.

Eventually I started to see a pattern to her sleeping habits and I was so happy. So many people had asked me about her schedule that I was beginning to feel inferior, like I was raising some sort of wild, spoiled, untamed monster child. I wasn't happy that I was finally satisfying the schedulers, though. I was happy that Muffin's schedule finally allowed me some freedom. I could say "yes" to eleven o'clock coffee breaks with the other moms in the neighborhood. I had several solid hours where I could go grocery shopping with a happy kid instead of a cranky one. I could take a shower during her morning nap and look forward to a quiet lunch by myself once she was down for an afternoon nap. I felt like I was finally becoming myself again.

The last hurdle was getting her to fall asleep on her own. Because of the spitting up and burping, she'd gotten in the habit of being held until she fell asleep. She is a gassy baby, and as much as we wanted to try crying it out, that doesn't work when the reason she's crying is gas pain rather than something psychological. Most nights, the screaming would be relieved after we picked her up and she burped; she'd fall right to sleep. I really feel like we had no choice but to wait for her digestive system to develop enough to cause her less pain after those bedtime feedings.

Mike does bedtime with Muffin and the nightly routine of soothing her to sleep was really wearing on him. While he was out of town a couple weeks ago I decided to see if Muffin was ready to fall asleep on her own. We had a couple afternoons of me crying on my bed while Muffin cried in hers, but I knew she was crying from being over tired (we both were), not from needing to be burped, so I'd give her five minutes, then ten, then fifteen, then thirty. By the time Mike came home, we had a successful sleeper. She celebrated ten months old this week, along with a full week of falling asleep on her own for both naps and bedtime.

Not every sleepy time is easy. She learned to sit up on her own this week, so she practices that for several minutes by herself before realizing we're not there to cheer her on. Sometimes she gets bored and falls asleep, other times she cries for us. We play it by ear if we're going to go in and soothe her more or let her fuss for another few minutes to see what happens. She often wakes up an hour or two after going to bed at night, but knowing that all she needs is a good burp, it's easy to go in and help her with that.

We know we are lucky right now compared to other babies. And we know that some are better sleepers earlier on than Muffin. I'm going to take the sleep while I can get it and not worry about other babies though. Following Muffin's lead is what worked for us.